i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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