don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
