New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize