he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
