She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
