Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
