he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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