How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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