used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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