nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
