new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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