a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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