i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
