Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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