brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
