ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
