no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize