I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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