i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
