God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
