Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
