He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
