I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
