Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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