You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize