i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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