went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize