Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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