You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we made out on top of his cat.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
