He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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