So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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