FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
