Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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