So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
