how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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