and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this just has baby written all over it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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