I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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