i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
