Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just threw up on my dentist
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
