My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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