Hey man sorry I got all grabby
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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