New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
