I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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