Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
