My brain says no but my pants say off.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
