my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
