everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
