Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
