Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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