You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
