either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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