sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
