If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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