Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
