You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
