hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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