omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Panties = found
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
