Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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