I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I only lived at night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
