Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
