so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
