I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
