I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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