I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
