At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
