Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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