He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
