i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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